Friday, January 29, 2010

What you missed if you only watched the Perth Match on TV: Yobbos

So I was at the Day-Duskish 4th ODI, and noticed a few things.

Greatest feat observed today:
The people in Block 9 created a 'snake' out of the plastic booze cups that stretched for almost the length of the seating block itself, I'd say about 20 metres before the Fun Police came along.

Most shameful failure observed today:
There was a streaker, who failed on several fronts: a) he was not nude, but wearing boxers, b) dropped the flag he was carrying, and c) he tripped over his own feet before he even reached the middle rope.  Steaking fail.

Quirkiness & other things:
There was a man waving a giant blow-up finger thingie in an Australian flag pattern, and had attached the Kenyan flag to it.

The entire middle deck of the Prindiville Stand joined in with a rousing rendition of pop song 'You are a wanker', in honour of the aforementioned Fun Police.

Drunken man not far from where I was sitting screaming out about his love for Hauritz's kneecaps.

Okay, now, about the cricket...

Australia's return to form via One-Day Internationals continues.  Yes, I know what you're saying; 'But Nathan, it's just the Windies and Pakistan'.  Yes well, we also got India in India and England in England and the Champions League.  Not bad for a broken-down, has-been, glory-is-gone, aura-faded team.

Our batting was so-so but it sufficed.  Grafting through the middle and then giving them the full broadside in the last ten overs is working well.  Asif was bowling well, Kamran Akmal made a great catch, all in all the bowling attack was of a good standard.  The fielding ... well, the return throws to the stumps had a 50/50 chance of coming within 5 metres of the target, and there were some keystone cops moments of turning around in circles looking for where the ball had gone.  Better than some of Pakistan's fielding displays of late, however.

Pakistan is improving slowly in this regard.

I should mention at this point that I apparently have a psychic gestalt with Nathan Hauritz.  A little ways into the 48th over, with Hauritz in the mid-20s and time running out, I lean over the Missus and suggest "Hey, two and a bit overs left, if Hauritz really tried, he could get his half-century!" in a completely sarcastic tone.  Hauritz, however, being the earnest lad he is, took me at face value, hit the next two balls for six each and had  that fifty with an over and a half to spare.  As his obvious source of inspiration, I would like to take some credit for this 50.

Also, Ryan Harris does not exist; he was killed in a lab experiment months ago.  A lab experiment that created the "Ryan Harris" Mk 2 prototype you see today.  He is in fact, not really human, but a result of a fusion of science and a deal with Satan that Ricky Ponting of the Crusader Infidels (also known by the moniker of 'the Australian Cricket Team') carried out.

Yes, that's right, Ryan Harris is one part cyborg and three parts demon.  The proof is in the pudding, and in the picture you can see here.  Look at those forearms and that twisted smile and tell me they come from someone who is not on loan from the Hell.

And finally, as much as I love Asif, the time to play five minutes of Pakistani Techno music to welcome him out would have been when he opened the bowling, not when he is the last man walking out to the crease with the team over 130 runs short.  It just sounds like mockery when you do it like that.


  1. Well, Hauritz has made a hell of a inning, i was impressed and pissed too at the same time.

  2. I think I had the same sensation when Afridi went berserk; "oooh, aaah, daaammit"!

  3. Someone was going on about Hauritz's kneecaps? Please expand ... I feel I have a right to know more about this :-)

  4. Of course, Sid. :)

    Paeans of drunken love, belted drunkenly out across the hallowed grounds from the heart of the Prindiville Stand, proclaiming the (drunken) man's (drunken) love of Haurry's body parts (drunkenly) one after the (drunken) other!

    It was transcendent! And drunk! Rather late in the day too, as we were brutalising the Pakistani lower-order.